Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a complex mental health condition that affects a person’s mood, energy, and ability to function. Those living with bipolar disorder experience extreme highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression), often in unpredictable cycles. Understanding how to support someone with this disorder is crucial, but equally important is knowing what not to do. Mistakes in our interactions can exacerbate their symptoms and make their journey even more difficult.
Don’t Minimize Their Experience
One of the most hurtful things you can do is to downplay what they’re going through. Telling them things like “It’s not that bad” or “Everyone has mood swings” completely invalidates the intense and often debilitating nature of bipolar disorder. For example, during a depressive episode, when they can barely get out of bed, find the energy to shower, or face the day, hearing that others have it worse or that it’s just a passing phase can make them feel even more alone and misunderstood.
In a manic episode, when their thoughts are racing, they might be making impulsive decisions like spending large amounts of money or staying up for days on end. Dismissing this as just being “hyper” or “excited” fails to recognize the potential consequences of their actions and the fact that they are not in full control. Acknowledge the severity of their condition and the real challenges they face each day.
Avoid Blaming Them for Their Symptoms
It’s essential to remember that bipolar disorder is a medical condition, not a choice. Saying things like “You just need to snap out of it” or “Why can’t you control yourself?” is not only unhelpful but also cruel. During a depressive phase, a person with bipolar disorder is already battling self-loathing and feelings of worthlessness. Blaming them for their inability to function normally only adds to their emotional burden.
In the manic state, they may engage in behaviors that seem reckless or irresponsible. But it’s the disorder driving these actions, not a willful disregard for consequences. Instead of placing blame, try to offer understanding and work with them to find solutions to manage the aftermath, such as helping them deal with financial issues if they’ve overspent during mania.
Don’t Ignore Their Mood Swings
Acting as if you don’t notice when their mood changes can be detrimental. If you see them suddenly shift from being upbeat and talkative to withdrawn and quiet, pretending everything is okay won’t help. It’s important to gently check in and let them know you’re there. For instance, you could say, “I noticed you seem a bit down today. I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk.”
On the flip side, when they’re in a manic episode and talking a mile a minute, being dismissive and walking away sends the message that you don’t care. Engage with them calmly, listen to their ideas (even if they seem far-fetched), and try to redirect their energy in a more productive way if possible, like suggesting a creative project or a walk to burn off some of the excess energy.
Refrain from Enabling Bad Behaviors
During manic episodes, they might have urges to engage in risky behaviors like excessive drinking, drug use, or promiscuity. It’s tempting to think that going along with it to keep the peace or because you don’t want to upset them further is the right thing to do. But this is enabling, and it can have serious consequences.
For example, if they want to go out and drink heavily while manic, don’t buy them the alcohol or go along as their drinking buddy. Instead, firmly but kindly express your concern and offer alternative activities. Enabling only prolongs the manic episode and can put their physical and mental health at risk. The same goes for when they’re depressed and refuse to get out of bed or take care of basic needs. Don’t bring them all their meals in bed and let them wallow. Encourage small steps towards self-care, like getting dressed or sitting outside for a few minutes.
Never Compare Their Recovery to Others
Each person’s journey with bipolar disorder is unique. Telling them “So-and-so with bipolar got better much faster” or “Why aren’t you coping like [someone else]?” is not only discouraging but also unrealistic. Recovery rates vary based on numerous factors including the individual’s genetic makeup, access to treatment, and the support system around them.
Some people may respond quickly to medications and therapy, while others take longer to find the right combination. Comparing them to others can make them feel inadequate and like they’re failing at getting better. Focus on their progress, no matter how small. Celebrate when they manage to get through a day without a major mood swing or when they take their medication consistently for a week.
Don’t Overreact or Underreact to Their Medication Regimen
Medications are a crucial part of managing bipolar disorder. If they forget to take their pills, don’t scold them harshly. Remember, memory problems can be a side effect of some medications, and they may already feel guilty about it. Instead, gently remind them and help them come up with strategies like setting alarms or using pill organizers.
On the other hand, don’t downplay the importance of their meds either. Saying things like “You don’t really need those pills all the time” is dangerous. Abruptly stopping medications can trigger severe mood episodes and set back their treatment progress. Encourage them to work closely with their doctor to adjust dosages or medications if they’re experiencing side effects, but always emphasize the need for medical guidance.
Avoid Canceling Plans Last Minute or Being Unreliable
People with bipolar disorder often rely on routine and the stability of relationships to help them through tough times. If you make plans with them and then cancel at the last minute because something “better” came up or you just don’t feel like it, it can be devastating. They may have been looking forward to that outing as a bright spot in their day, especially if they’re feeling down.
During manic episodes, they might be counting on you to ground them and provide a sense of normalcy. Being unreliable shatters their trust and can leave them feeling abandoned. If you can’t make it, give them as much notice as possible and offer to reschedule. Follow through on your commitments to show that you’re a dependable source of support.
Don’t Force Them to Talk When They’re Not Ready
There will be times when they’re not in the mood to open up about what they’re feeling. Pressuring them with questions like “What’s wrong? You have to tell me” can make them retreat further. Respect their boundaries and let them know you’re available whenever they want to talk.
You can say something like “I understand if you don’t want to talk right now, but I’m here when you do.” This gives them the space they need while also assuring them of your support. Sometimes, just sitting in silence with them can be more comforting than prying.
Refrain from Treating Them as a Burden
Even if caring for someone with bipolar disorder can be challenging at times, never make them feel like they’re a burden. Avoid sighing heavily when they ask for help or making comments about how much their condition impacts your life. They’re likely already acutely aware of the difficulties they bring to relationships.
Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your connection. Let them know that you care about them and that helping them through tough times is what friends and family do. Offer practical assistance, like driving them to doctor’s appointments or helping with grocery shopping, without making them feel indebted or like a bother.
Never Give Up on Them
Recovery from bipolar disorder is often a long and bumpy road. There will be setbacks, relapses, and difficult days. But giving up on them, whether it’s in terms of your relationship, your belief in their ability to get better, or your support, is the worst thing you can do. Keep showing up, keep offering encouragement, and keep reminding them that they’re not alone.
Conclusion
In conclusion, interacting with someone with bipolar disorder requires patience, understanding, and compassion. By being aware of what not to do, we can help create a more supportive environment that allows them to better manage their condition and lead fulfilling lives. It’s about seeing the person beyond the diagnosis and standing by them through all the highs and lows. With our care and the right professional help, they can find stability and hope for the future. Remember, small actions and kind words can make a world of difference in their journey.
Related topics:
Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder: Causes, Symptoms & Treatment
Atypical Depression: Causes, Symptoms & Treatment
Cyclothymic Disorder: Causes, Symptoms & Treatment
